Humor Is Empathic
Writing humo[u]r is difficult. Being funny on the page is not something everyone can accomplish. Writing humor that doesn’t offend is an art. I tend to write and enjoy writing humor which is not to say I’m good at it, but I try not to offend.
I have been reading and writing a lot of serious things lately: mystery, thriller, etc. I needed a break and decided to read something light and humorous so I picked a book from my TBR pile and dove in.
This is not meant as a book review, but I need to talk about what “set me off”. The book has a silly (not funny) cover and the blurb on the back explained a clever premise. The book was another story. A few short chapters in, I got hit with a misogynistic/sexist passage that was meant to be humorous. A page or two in, there was what passed-off as funny but came-off as anti-gay. Soon followed what the authors thought was humorous or funny about weight.
I grimaced, gritted my teeth, and continued.
Flatulance joke.
Jokes about short people.
Seriously?
I’m almost done reading the book and the only thing I haven’t come across is a racist joke, unless I missed it somewhere.
Phew!
NOT FUNNY!
Juvenile, yes. Immature, yes. Bigoted, yes. But funny? No.
Now, you may argue that humor is relative. It is, but humor borne of demeaning pain never is. The main character’s perspective (the authors’?) read as superiority. This is demeaning pain.
The authors are adults. The book reads as if it was written by bullies smirking in a playground.
What is humor? What makes something funny?
I believe that humor is borne of (pain physical, emotional, or situational). But it is a pain shared, not a pain directed. Humor is the emotion we all feel when we experience something that embarrasses us–and we laugh. Humor is the situation that you find yourself in that makes you feel silly or stupid because of what you have done or not done–and you nervously laugh as you cringe. Humor is the “word association football” you read that you don’t expect to read and makes you feel silly/embarrassed because you didn’t expect it. Humor is the surprise of embarrassment. Humor is the instinct to react to these situations of shared pain with humor. Gallows humor is just an extreme example of this. That’s my definition of humor.
Humor as the directed pain (intentional or not) toward another or a group is neither funny nor humorous. It is an attack.
It’s offensive.
You may argue that everything is offensive to someone. In that case, there is no such thing as humor. But there is. There has to be. Humor is an expression of empathy with an uncomfortable situation. You either find, or imagine, yourself in the situation.
Laughing at someone or a group of someones is not empathy. It’s not funny. It’s a form of sadism or at a minimum bullying and should not be tolerated.
Humor and laughter are an empathic response. That’s why they can heal.